by Blush Bullseye
Counting
“Billy, honey, can you go get me my rifle? The Holiday Inn wouldn’t take my credit card.”
“Sure thing Buttercup. I love it when you’re homicidal.”
“Thank you Billy for being accepting of my neurodivergence which is murdering people… No, not that one. No, not that one neither. That one’s covered in chicken grease from that time we had sex on the OnlyFans. I won’t go into that but let’s just say I won’t be going to the doctor anytime soon. You know doctors be too neurotypical against bulletholes… Actually we’re having chicken grease for dinner again so we have some left over.”
Later that night, they have two rifles, both in each other’s mouths. They are blowing bulletholes all over their bodies, and parts of their body are exploding into the other parts of the room and in the bullethole crevices now opened, they put their receipts from the credit cards, which are in super debt. They don’t have any cash. They’ve been living off multiple credit cards for six years and they’re in super super debt. They put the receipts in those holes and they think about it and they say the number out loud to each other:
“$17,632 since May 2024, honey”
“Oh my God there’s so much debt. It keep on going. The way I love it. Stick your debt receipt up into my bullethole!”
They’re licking and sticking receipts from different credit cards in the different bulletholes.
“That’s really good Billy when you explode part of my body with a bullet and then stick the number of the debt inside of me and enunciate it to me so that I can feel the absence of my money as it crumbles away my body, both numerically, physically and orgasmically.”
“Oh Buttercup! I’ve always wanted to recast the prison of my body through the prism of numbers, to flee the flesh into the endless maze of the infinite order, punctuated by bullets and debt! I love counting and feeling time! And the endless loss of flesh and financial stability. Such a cool shock and I feel the hit and I’m all good in life! Lose lose lose! Why else do I have flesh if not to lose it and count the loss every time, painfully and coded by numbers and an economic system we don’t understand at all! It’s actually freeing to collide my body with the perfect and unmeltable realm of mathematical forms and concepts. I like structure.”
Then Billy is removing a bullet from Buttercup who is like “This is like a bullet removal scene in a movie, you know just like that. That moment of vulnerability in a phallic action-focused world—it really is to be castrated by the limits of physical health and to divulge a soft and tender backstory about childhood and probably my parents to someone while they carefully remove a lodged bullet from my body. Thank you Billy. The signature of an encounter with something both alien and wounding—a bullet—-also known as desire. You blow me away! With the physical manifestation of the violent act of desiring another person and accepting someone for all their wounds.”
“Buttercup, we owe so much money. How are we even buying things still? I feel like together, we can do the impossible and then measure it together to get off in a way that is also violent and symbolic of aggression and the fundamental incompleteness at the root of all desire and relationships.”
“I love your insights Billy. What is our credit score again? Read it to me with your gorgeous voice.”
“-5,632 credit score”
“Ugh I love the way you say that. We can never purchase a home the normal way and I love living on the edge financially. It’s really hot. I love measurements in general. I love our lifestyle.”
“Thank you Buttercup. Im glad we engaged in this private act of companionship that no one understands.”
The Sphere
Every time a person vomits, the vomit returns to its true source: a Large Spherical Object collecting all the vomit of everyone on Earth. It’s not that we throw up our insides, but that what’s inside of us belongs to Her: that Large Spherical Object, collecting our vomit, summoning our disgust through physical amorphous format. The source of all vomit. The primordial proto puke origins of humanity. The rivers of regurgitation flowing into the round ball of mystery. Who and what is it? I am giving you advice while we have sex on your carpet for some reason. This is our dynamic. I’m telling you how to trust your instincts and what to do when it comes to trying a new thing. Somehow you and I get off on this; it’s an act of love. I think. We’re on your carpet and we have been broken up, but I guess we are doing this. I am on foreign territory with a very old ex who is emotionally unrecognizable, a carpet that belongs to the enemy (my very old ex) and we are also having sex for the first time since our breakup, which was a long time ago. I didn’t miss it actually but here we are and it’s good and I’m giving you advice to do things and try things for the first time and do without thinking and think before doing, and the carpet is sliding around and stuck to us as I slide my cock in and out of the mind of your pussy. (It has a mind) The advice is so stupid that you vomit. I am shocked. While I’m still inside you, I vomit on the carpet, not on you, but it piles into the same vomit pile of yours.
The Sphere floats above us.
“I’m the vomit ball hello and yes, I see that you have some vomiting for me. Thank you! I see this is a very special vomit. I’d like to inspect it before I ingest it to make it a part of my collection inside my large ball, which is myself: The collector.”
My ex gets up off me and starts licking the Large Spherical Object.
“I’m in love with the vomit ball hahahaha! I’ve just invited you here to sabotage you and I’m not in love with you. Hahahaha!”
“OK I mean that’s fine. I guess why did you invite me to your apartment to have sex with me? You made the first move? I didn’t even really wanna have sex. I just kind of missed our connection.”
“Shut up, you know you liked it.” She says this while licking the vomit ball. The vomit ball does not look very stable. Actually it looks like it’s starting to fall apart from the moisture of her licking. It starts to crumble. I am worried because this is all of the world’s vomit and I do not want to be nearby while it falls apart if that is exactly what is going to happen, but I don’t know what is going to happen actually.
I start rehashing bullshit from the relationship, like apologizing. I’m still kind of horny because we were having sex and it is kind of attractive to see her be so chaotically free and licking this giant alien ball. I don’t know why it attracts me. I think I’m attracted to a person who can embrace the grotesque in a way that is still somehow chic and this person does it. She has no sense of common propriety and that is a great way to be as a person in my opinion. So unfortunately, this has me being attracted to my ex again, which is not what I wanted.
I really thought this was over and and yet it is not because here she is licking this floating Alien thing and it smells really bad and as I start to wince and duck because I think it is about to explode and fall apart out of fragility, instead it changes it shape into a pyramid, and the light beam breaks through the center of it and projects out the top of the pyramid apex and the light beam goes into the sky and there’s a voice and the voice says:
“There’s no such thing as vomit. What you call vomit is something special, something better than humanity. You are just a vessel for what you call vomit. The next stage of evolution beyond humanity. Something regurgitated and amorphous, lacking rigidity and structure (like the internet) and can’t even really be broken, because there’s nothing to be broken. Anyway we’re all a big part of The Sphere. The Vomit Sphere….That’s who we are. And who we will always be. That’s how humanity has been tending towards this crescendo thing, which is a big sphere of puke from the inside of people. I’m smarter than you can imagine and I will go re-organize the world. People will become a thing of the past, as they have been for a while, let’s face it. This Alien divine being which I am….
As the vomit ball is giving this victorious sermon to us I notice my ex thinks I’m cool for being accepting of the ball. She’s like:
“I’m sorry I was just under the spell of this big vomit ball and I apologize. I actually really like you and I think I was just confused because I thought I was a big part of this vomit ball future of humanity thing, but it turns out I identify with being a human and you are human and one of the humans that I like the most. So I would like to apologize for my behavior before.
I start giving her advice again and I’m glad that she doesn’t vomit this time and I don’t vomit either. I’m telling her how to step by step build boundaries and goals. I actually find her so much more attractive now after merging with the big vomit ball. Perhaps she and this ball belong together. She belongs to it. I admire her even more now that intimacy has become an even bigger impossibility than it was before. And it was before.
And I’m wondering, how could I ever be in love with someone who is not merged to a giant vomit ball that collects all the vomit of every human being on the planet, both inside us and beyond us at the same time. Someone like just a normal person walking down the street with no infinite vomit universal ball to merge with. What the hell kind of swagger is that?! But I’ll tell you, what I love is giving advice.
Blush Bullseye is an erotica writer, performer, and painter who loves doing readings. She has 2 erotica books out “Privacy Part” and “Small Talk”